Mar
19
Written by:
host
3/19/2010 7:00 AM
If you have been paying close attention over the past two weeks, you probably noticed that the articles with my name on them have come from the archives of the DifferentVoice.com website. My plan had been to take this month off from writing new articles, because a major life change was to take place in my household. Two weeks ago today, a baby girl was born in a nearby town that had been promised to us by the birthparents. That day was to be the endpoint of our more than 4 year journey to adopt a child. (I've previously described our long wait as our never-ending season of Advent.) Things did not go as planned, however, and the birthparents decided 24 hours after the child was born—and after we had spent part of the day with her—that they were going to keep the child. For the past two weeks, I've been grieving the loss of that child and the relationships we had formed with that entire family. The sadness was deep and like nothing I had ever experienced before in my life.
As is true for many people today, I reached out to share the news through Facebook with my friends, since I had provided occasional updates about the adoption in recent weeks there. Many wonderful and loving comments in response to my messages helped me to begin to move through the grief…but a realization soon dawned in me. While I was grateful for all of the well-wishes and promises to hold us in prayer, I yearned for friends to be physically in my presence. I wished for someone to literally stop by to give me a hug, go for a walk with me, or take me out for a cup of coffee. In short, I needed to experience a more literal "with" in Paul's well-known instruction to "Weep with those who weep" in Romans 12:15.
While many people prefer to keep their grief to themselves, I'm sure I'm not alone in wanting to actually be surrounded by people in the midst of my times of deep sadness. As I reflected on my experience, it struck me that the "with factor" has perhaps changed because of Facebook. It's very easy to post a quick note to a friend who has experienced some sort of trauma, so easy that we can be lulled into forgetting that the ministry of Jesus was highly physical in nature. Jesus ate with people in their homes, touched persons who were rarely touched, and shared many moments in times of great joy and sadness directly with others. It's a central idea in Christian theology that Jesus was "God with us" and thus was more than "God's status update."
Paul's instructions to the Romans reads, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another" (Romans 12:15-16a). Part of a larger passage about behavior in the Christian community, these phrases speak to the need for people to be present with one another in times of joy, sadness, and conflict. To do so is, I'm convinced, to represent (and re-present) Christ to others. So here's my question for you to consider. What can Christian educators do to increase the "With Factor" of people's lives?
That's the question I'm processing for myself lately. On the nights when I work at the homeless shelter, am I really with the residents, or simply in proximity to them? At the dinner table, am I fully present with my wife, or just with my laptop/book/newspaper/mail? When a friend gets some really great news, do I truly share his joy in every way possible, or am I just pretending and secretly jealous inside? And, most difficult of all, what does it now mean for me to rejoice and live in harmony with this birthmother who has so rearranged my life?
I suspect I'll be reflecting on these questions for some time to come, and I'd really like to reflect on them with you. So here's a promise and an invitation. I have started work on a new book, currently titled, with: The Short Word that Makes All the Difference. In a month or two, I plan to post portions of the book on the Different Voice website for you to download, reflect on, and respond to. I value your feedback and truly hope you'll take this journey with me.
To that end, I'm looking for stories about rejoicing with those who rejoice, weeping with those who weep, and living in harmony with one another. If you have a story to share, a ministry idea on this theme that has worked for you, or an insight of your own, please write me a note or post a comment (below) to this article. And even if you don't have an interest in reading my early draft or sharing your own story, I hope that you will push yourself to find new ways to be with your friends, family, coworkers, and members of the community of faith in the highs, lows, and struggles of life.
~ by Tim Gossett
Copyright ©2010 Different Voice
1 comment(s) so far...
Re: The day my molecules were rearranged
Tim, what a touching commentary. Thank you for sharing. You've made me think about people in my life who are facing difficult situations. While sending a quick e-mail note to let them know you are thinking about them is nice, it is not enough. You've reminded me of that fact; made evident, as you say, by the nature of Jesus' ministry. Thank you for the reminder of why we are here and what we are to do while we are here! May you continue to feel God's love and reassurance as you continue praying and waiting for that small bundle of love to come into your lives.
By solobiz on
3/19/2010 11:49 AM
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